I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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