I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
