I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
