I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
