Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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