An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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