Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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