You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
