they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
