The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
