I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
