I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
