I think I died a long time ago.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize