so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
