okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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