Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize