Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
