That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
