Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize