The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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