no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize