my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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