My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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