just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
