Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
