even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
