apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
