Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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