apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You are the jesus of drinking
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
