just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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