Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
