i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
MIDGETS
????
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
