Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
