There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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