He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
