Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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