I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
