I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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