If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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