I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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