drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize