Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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