I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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