covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
