Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
