After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
