my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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