You made me cry and you don't even care
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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