I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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