If that was your dad, he is hot
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
