tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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