She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
