but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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