my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
