just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
