haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize