I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's official drugs can't kill me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
