I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
