"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
