oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
