just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize