i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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