i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
