I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
