i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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