My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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