Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
