Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
