Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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