We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
