Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
