And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The air was thick with penises
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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