im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
