I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize