My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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