Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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