And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize