I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
