Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
