I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
