If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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