Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
