I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
