I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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