Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
