I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
