I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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